Pay Attention to Your Body
- Stay present to the person and breathe.
- Focus on the person with your whole body.
- Notice your feelings but do your best to remain focused on the other person.
- Keep a positive intention. Be kind. If your goal is to get even are get the other person to admit you are right, you are sabotaging your communication efforts.
- Try to match the person you are listening with your body and your energy.
Paraphrase
- In your own words repeat back what you are hearing.
- “So what I hear you saying is….”
- “Hold on, let me just make sure I am getting this right….”
- What else?
- Is there something more you need to tell me?
- Is there anything else I need to know?
- Ok, and…?
- Yeah, and…?
Use Nonjudgmental Language
- I notice you are talking fast and your voice is squeeky. Does this mean you are feeling excited?
- I notice you are very quiet and your mouth is starting to quiver. What are you feeling right now?
- You can’t stay still in your chair and your eyes are all over the place. What’s going on for you right now?
Notice
- I notice you are talking fast and your voice is squeeky. Does this mean you are feeling excited?
- I notice you are very quiet and your mouth is starting to quiver. What are you feeling right now?
- You can’t stay still in your chair and your eyes are all over the place. What’s going on for you right now?
Home Strategies
- Do not have difficult conversations in the heat of a big feeling. Make sure everyone is well resourced.
- Manage your own stress. When you take care of yourself, you are taking care of your whole family.
- Eat meals together with no electronic devices including the TV.
- Have 30-minute family time where all electronic devices are shut off and everyone is gathered in the same location.
- Initiate 20-minute family walks.
- Work together on a project – puzzles, Lego buildings, art projects, baking, ect.