Communicating Effectively – Listening Cheat Sheet

 

Pay Attention to Your Body

  • Stay present to the person and breathe.
  • Focus on the person with your whole body.
  • Notice your feelings but do your best to remain focused on the other person.
  • Keep a positive intention. Be kind. If your goal is to get even are get the other person to admit you are right, you are sabotaging your communication efforts.
  • Try to match the person you are listening with your body and your energy.

Paraphrase

  • In your own words repeat back what you are hearing.
  • “So what I hear you saying is….”
  • “Hold on, let me just make sure I am getting this right….”
  • What else?
  • Is there something more you need to tell me?
  • Is there anything else I need to know?
  • Ok, and…?
  • Yeah, and…?

 

Use Nonjudgmental Language

  • I notice you are talking fast and your voice is squeeky. Does this mean you are feeling excited?
  • I notice you are very quiet and your mouth is starting to quiver. What are you feeling right now?
  • You can’t stay still in your chair and your eyes are all over the place. What’s going on for you right now?

 

Notice

  • I notice you are talking fast and your voice is squeeky. Does this mean you are feeling excited?
  • I notice you are very quiet and your mouth is starting to quiver. What are you feeling right now?
  • You can’t stay still in your chair and your eyes are all over the place. What’s going on for you right now?

 

Home Strategies

  • Do not have difficult conversations in the heat of a big feeling. Make sure everyone is well resourced.
  • Manage your own stress. When you take care of yourself, you are taking care of your whole family.
  • Eat meals together with no electronic devices including the TV.
  • Have 30-minute family time where all electronic devices are shut off and everyone is gathered in the same location.
  • Initiate 20-minute family walks.
  • Work together on a project – puzzles, Lego buildings, art projects, baking, ect.