Active Listening Cheat Sheet

Active Listening Cheat Sheet

 

Listening Is

  • The cornerstone of all conflict and communication practices.
  • 90% of the conflict process is about being a good listener.

 

The Opposite of Multitasking Is

  • Active Listening.
  • The ability to focus and attend to an outside speaker, while putting aside your ‘inside dialogue’ takes practice.
  • The earlier we start the practice the better.

 

Paraphrase

  • In your own words repeat back what you are hearing.
  • “So what I hear you saying is….”
  • “Hold on, let me just make sure I am getting this right….”

 

Reassuring Phrase

  • What else?
  • Is there something more you need to tell me?
  • Is there anything else I need to know?
  • Ok, and…?
  • Yeah, and…?

 

Examples of Paraphrasing Opener

  • “So what I hear you saying is….”
  • “Hold on, let me just make sure I am getting this right….”
  • What else?
  • Is there something more you need to tell me?
  • Is there anything else I need to know?
  • Ok, and…?
  • Yeah, and…?

 

What to Do With Feelings

  • Every feeling is important information.
  • Keep connected to your feelings as well as to the person you are listening to.
  • After the individual has had an opportunity to be heard and you have paraphrased information, you can make observations about the emotional state.
  • You are responsible for your own feelings.

 

First You Notice

  • I notice you are talking fast and your voice is squeeky. Does this mean you are feeling excited?
  • I notice you are very quiet and your mouth is starting to quiver. What are you feeling right now?
  • You can’t stay still in your chair and your eyes are all over the place. What’s going on for you right now?

 

Use Non Judgmental Language

  • Keep your words as neutral as you can.
  • Keep the focus on your observations vs. controlling the conversation
  • Allow the speaker to be in control of the conversation.
  • Continue to Reinforce the information and the felt experience within the information

 

Practice

  • This is a skill and with practice, over time, you can build your listening muscles.